(Kahbi)

[hrsegrl]

The Weyrlings had gone to lunch so it was now time for H'var to eat as well. Not that they wouldn't be busy at chores for most afternoon. He prefferred to eat when they ate. Sleep, well, he didn't sleep much anymore so it hardly mattered.

He took a seat at an empty table and a drudge came by with some food. H'var grabbed a couple meatrolls, a red fruit and a cup of klah. It seemed everything was good. Other than not having anyone to talk to. Meran used to have lunch with him as often as she could... sometimes they even brought the children.

Not anymore. He would be better off not thinking about it at all and focus on the Weyrlings. Etrayth of course was ready to do some training when H'var was finished eating. The dragon felt he was slacking in that department lately and wanted to be in better shape. Sad it was that he had to wait for his dragon to tell him they were getting out of shape.

[Memorie]

Kabhi walked into the Weyrhall for lunch. Her calm demeanor made many turn to look at her, but she was unfazed. As she scoped out a place to sit, she laid a hand on a drudge's shoulder. "I think I will join the Assistant Weyrlingmaster. Please bring me a mug of klah and one large redfruit."

The drudge, used to Kabhi's unstinging politeness, nodded. "Yes, milady."

She smiled. "Thank you." She walked over to the table where H'var sat, and sat down across from him. The man was as melancholy as ever. He seemed more down than she usually was, and that was saying something. "Something troubling you, H'var?"

[hrsegrl]

A woman's voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked up quickly noting that he had seen her before and that she was not one of those flirty women he disliked. "Other than the new Weyrlings, nothing more than the usual." He took a bite out of his redfruit.

"How have you been Kahbi? I hope Alth is well?" HE realized he had not seen her around in a long while. Probably because he had been sulking too much to notice. H'var was very good with names, anything that was passed on orally was easy for him to remember. That was how he was raised.

[Memorie]

Kabhi nodded. "Alth and I are well, same old pair of dragon and rider." He seemed distracted. The poor man had lost his weyrmate not too long ago, about nine months. He had apparently not recovered yet. Well, it was understandable.

The drudge brought her food and drink. She quietly peeled the fruit. Kabhi had not always been quiet and calm. Once, she had been just the firecracker her mother had been. But then her mother had an entire brood, and so Kabhi was forced into the background. When she stopped recieving attention, she stopped being loud. Finally, her characteristic calmness and almost apathy was her defining key. "How are you doing, H'var?"

[hrsegrl]

He nodded at her answer. Good, then all was well with her. She had always been shy, now that he remembered. It was actually sort of suprising she had sat down with him, given her personality. How was he? How to respond to that. HE had not been asked that in a long time.

"I honestly don't know. Some days I'm good, I wake up, get dressed, everything seems fine. Other days if I sleep at all, I get up and throw on whatever is handy and know that no matter what I do that day there will still be a part of me missing." H'var didn't want to scare her off but he had needed to say it outloud. Someone had finally asked him and he could finally tell.

[Memorie]

Kabhi nodded. It seemed as though he was finally starting the process. Apparently, no one had cared enough about him to ask him. Well, she could be that person, no problem. She just listened, without offering advice. He needed to get a lot off of his shoulders, and she would help. "Go on," she said.

She could say that she understood. But that would be a lie; she had never let herself get close enough to anyone to miss them if they died. She could say that she could sympathise, but that was a fake sentiment, in her opinion. But she wanted him to know that she would listen to him. The best she could do was keep a friendly posture and be open to listening.

[hrsegrl]

HE understood that she intended to listen to him whether he had been prepared to talk or not. "Whats worse is I can't even bring myself to see my daughter. She looks so much like Meran." There was the name that he could not let go of. The person he could never forget. "There is no way to describe what its like without her. I never thought she would be the one to die so young." H'var looked away a moment.

To all outward appearances he seemed to be fine. Everyone saw him as fine. Well he wasn't fine. He couldn't go on pretending he was fine. "I think the only thing worse than what I'm feeling now, would be to lose Etrayth."

[Memorie]

That was disturbing. But many dragonriders didn't spend time with their children. By Fall, most of them ignored their tykes. But H'var had always been very involved with his progeny, and his family in general. As Kabhi understood it, it was one of the things that prompted him to become the Weyrlingmaster's assistant. She turned compassionate eyes on him. The poor man had been through more than anyone could guess. He had become more quiet in public, but that was to be expected. Kabhi herself hadn't guessed it was this bad, and she was a great observer of people.

She took a sip of her drink. It was good, nice and sweet, just the way she liked it. Well, the drudges liked her, so they often went out their way to help her. She was polite and didn't talk down to them. "That would be a tragedy, H'var. You have to keep on living."

[hrsegrl]

H'var looked up from his food for a moment. "I don't know why exactly but I suppose I owe it to Etrayth to live." He wasn't trying to be so depressing. It was worse knowing that he sounded that way and not wanting to. "So...I'm sure there are better things to talk about than death and the dead." Trying to get off of such a bad subject.

Etrayth would be happy about that. His rider not thinking about the dead would be a good thing. H'var used to be a very happy sort. Now he would say the opposite.

[Memorie]

She smiled ruefully. "There might be other topics, but it would seem as though you need to talk about what's bothering you. What has been bothering you for almost ten months." Now she peeled off another piece of her redfruit. It really was delicious. It was odd. Kabhi was not one generally given to conversation, she never had been. Somehow, this man made her want to talk. "The H'var I used to see was outgoing and almost joyous. But the one before me seems the exact opposite." She paused, unsure of whether she should continue on with what she wanted to say. "I knew Meron, H'var. Not well, mind you, because I don't know anyone well." She sipped her klah. "But I fancy I knew her well enough to say that she wouldn't want you to be like this." Kabhi paused again. "And she'd want you to continue on in your child's life." She looked away from his gaze. "I'm sorry if I seem too bold."

[hrsegrl]

H’var watched Kahbi wide eyed. He had never heard her speak so forcefully before. A slight smirk penetrated his melancholy face. “You are right. I just, I don’t know if I can do it alone. My daughter is only two and doesn’t understand death. My son is safely away from the Weyr.” However that sounded it probably wasn’t showing support for his Weyr. He could not keep his children here, it was unsafe.

“Do you think you could come with me?” Now he hoped he wasn’t being too bold. If anyone else had taken the time to talk with him they’d be stuck in this position. As it was Kahbi was being more a friend than anyone else. Friends help each other through the good and the bad. That was what he needed now. Someone who could help him through.

[Memorie]

Kabhi had wondered at the phrase "safely away," but she didn't ask. It wasn't as if the Weyr was a dangerous place. Ah, but it has been lately. I see, she thought. She chewed the last piece of redfruit, and sipped klah to wash it down. He had smiled, or smirked, rather, but she hadn't been offended. It had been a bit forward of her, but someone had to get him out of this lifestyle he was in.

"Do you think you could come with me?" H'var asked her. She looked at him. Briefly wondering what can of worms she had opened for herself this time, she nodded.

"Sure, H'var." She set down her mug. It was down to the bottom anyway, just the dregs of sweetener and cream. The heavy cream she liked tended to fall to the bottom of the mug when the liquid go low. She wiped imaginary specks of fruit off of her lap before standing. "Where are we going?" she asked him.

[hrsegrl]

He finished his last bit of meatroll quickly and chugged down the rest of his klah. Klah wasn't any good to taste anyway. "Well, you suggested it." He gave her a moment to think before continuing on. He could have left her in the dark as to their destination but that would have been mean. H'var was certainly not the type of person to do that.

"We are going to the creche. That is if you still don't mind coming along." He gave her one of his questioning looks. He was always good at expressing himself without saying all that much.

[Memorie]

Kabhi smiled and nodded. "That's a good idea, H'var. Of course I'll come with you." She followed him out of the weyrhall. Kabhi only had a vague idea of where the Creche was, since she didn't have any children of her own. The only times she engaged in sexual activity were when Alth mated. Out of those times, she'd only gotten pregnant twice. Both had miscarried. "You better lead the way, though. I'm not entirely sure where the Creche is."

[hrsegrl]

H'var knew exactly where it was, so he had no problem with leading the way. The Lower Caverns had always been a bit tricky to remember but he found that it was easier if you started from the Weyrhall. "It is not far really." He could imagine the Creche nannies having a hard time getting food if it were very far from the kitchens.

As he said, it was not long. The Creche was noisy, full of the sound of young children. Mehava was only two and not old enough to really be fostered. H'var waited in the doorway, almost as if he did not belong there. Looking over at Kahbi, he realized that he would have brought her down here for nothing if he didn't go in. Opening the door, the children nearest the door turned. None of them were his, so he kept looking.

H'var decided to look for a Creche nanny to help him find her. Who knew dragonriders had so many children?